belladonna in the tea
by chandelure
Summary: "at your service," they chime, and you're falling, hoping to be caught. —chili, cress, cilan and white, gameverse.


_belladonna in the tea _

—"**at your service"**—

.

When you first walk into the restaurant you are young and feel out of place—sloppy compared to the red velvet flooring and sparkling plates. But you shake your head, _no_, brunette curls shining under the chandelier, and stride to the gym leaders, with steps too confident for your age.

The sight of them make you feel smaller than before, with their pristine aprons and cocky attitudes.

"Welcome to the Striaton City Pokémon Gym." The green haired boy says to you, eyes sparkling against the lush redness of the place.

"I'm Chili! I light things up with Fire-type Pokémon!" Exclaims the red headed leader, jumping around like, you think, a lunatic.

"I'm a Water-type specialist, and my name is Cress. Pleased to make your acquaintance." Says the blue haired one, demeanor cool and collected.

"And my name is Cilan. I like Grass-type Pokémon." Says the one who welcomed you.

You beat Cilan much too easily with the Pansear you received in the Dreamyard, and the Straiton City Gym Leaders watch you as you walk out the door.

It's the start of something, you know. Just not what.

.

.

.

The next time you come to their gym you have defeated N.

Cress greets you at the door. "Welcome to—" He pauses, mid-sentence. "It's you." You frown at his words, but follow him through the lush rooms anyway.

"...We heard about the incident with N's Castle. If we had received the message in time, the three of us could have helped." He murmurs, and you look at him curiously.

"It's okay!" You exclaim, too hastily for your own liking. "We had it all under control."

He frowns. "Right—all under control."

You try a smile—try to tell him it's really okay, that there's no reason to be concerned—but it comes out twisted, scarred by Ghestis's eyes and N's goodbye and The Shadow Triad's words _(we feel no emotion, even when we go into that room...)_, so you give up—it's not really suitable for a Pokemon Trainer of your caliber—and walk behind Cress, wondering what would happen if you tried to explain _(that you didn't know who to love, red or blue or green; fire or water or grass.)_

.

.

.

Cilan still stumbles over words, riddled with um-s and uh-s. "In the Unova region, um, we are still novice Gym Leaders. Which means, well, that other Gym Leaders are much stronger than we are. Going...slow...and steady...is OK, so... we compete with one and get, um, stronger and stronger." He says, almost trying to apologize for their lack of strength and absence at the castle.

You shake your head _(just like that first time you came here, the first time you found you didn't know who to fall for) _and say the same words as before—a broken record, replaying over and over and _over _again. "It's okay, really."

He nods, slow and unsure _(just like his words that time you defeated him) _and smiles a small little smile. You grasp it, clutch it with your brain and etch it into your memories. _(That same smile you received after the final blow just like it.) _

You try to bring words out of your brain, telling him _(you're in love)_, but all you get is an open mouth, closing as soon as you understand you'll never know what to say around them.

.

.

.

"Oh! It's you! Your fire is more intense than when you got the Trio Badge!" Chili shouts when he sees you, and you feel like sobbing "_no, my fire has _died_._" to him, try to explain that there's no fucking fire _left _anymore because in your dreams, N's eyes turn into a whirlpool that douses it all. And you wake up drained, screaming and sobbing and feeling almost _dead_.

Because those badges—badges that display power, _strength _that you don't have anymore—weigh you down, until your Pokemon scream "_pick up the pace!_" in your mind, because they're worried, worried, worried for you.

But you just smile at him, laugh at his loud voice, and say: "I don't know, is it?" In a teasing sort of way, even though you _do _know, too well.

You almost cry at the look on his face as he tells you that yes, your fire _is _more intense.

So you choke on a smile, on the words that tell him you _(love him, love his brothers) _believe him, and leave the gym.

.

.

.

Once you close the giant mahogany door, you break down.


End file.
